"Receive My Silent Prayers"

(A struggling response to the 9 murders at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, SC 6-17-15)

“Emmanuel”, God-With-Us … Yesterday, as we wept and prayed, as we began to grasp the depth of grief among your children in Charleston, you wept among us and with us. You received each of our prayers as if each one was a singular tearful conversation with you.

This morning, I will admit, I am having difficulty finding even a few words of prayer for the shooter. The words are elusive and garbled and where there are words, they are certainly not in complete sentences. To be honest, perhaps it is me who does not want to pray for him.

Do I think that my prayers for others will be watered down by a sentence or two whispered for this one who is so filled with hate? Just maybe the words are there, waiting in this silence.

Receive, O God, my silence and my gasps as a prayer this morning, yearning to free itself into your care. Place your words within my heart so that I might give them back to you.

AMEN.

"Ill-Fitting Armour"

How often have I been handed

another person's shield and sword

and armour and yes, callings

only to find that all were

too heavy and cumbersome

and ill-fitting.

Brought to my knees by the

weight of it all,

I can only stand to face the Goliaths

when I hand back those things

that others ask me to wear

and reach out for the stones

that are God-made

to fit perfectly in my hand ...

stones with my name on them,

stones made smooth

by the very waters of my baptism.

It is then and only then

when I can rise and stand

with courage and strength

that is my God's to give,

and turn in the direction

of God's choosing.

"The Thimble"

I had a lovely dream just before waking this morning. I was walking through gardens of lush greens and beautiful flowers when someone came to me and said, "I want to give you a gift. Let me go to my store and get it for you." I didn't recognize this person but for some reason, I had a handwritten inventory listing of the items that were in his store.

He came back to me and placed a silver thimble in my hand and said, "This is for you. I have wanted you to have it for a long time." He smiled, winked at me and left the gardens as quickly as he had appeared.

I looked at my unopened notebook with the value listings of each item in his store, wondering if I should take a peek at the value of this tiny gift. I hesitated, then finally gave in and opened the notebook. Item after item was listed, each one more valuable than the one before. I ran my finger down through the list, growing excited about how much this little thimble might be worth in dollar value. My eyes fell upon the words "silver thimble" and where its value should be there was nothing written. Nothing!

I sat down in the garden, staring at this little thimble, this tiny shield from those smallest injuries of life ... and suddenly I knew its value. PRICELESS.

No hurt is so small that God isn't aware .... that God isn't comforting .... that God doesn't love us through it.

"The Word for the Day is .... "

Last night, a friend sent a message to me, commenting that he hadn’t seen/read any of my Tuesday lunch grace-sightings lately.  As I ended my evening, I wondered why the grace-sightings had become fewer in recent weeks.  Perhaps there is a fog of the heart when the stuff of life is allowed to cloud over such sightings.  I pray that I continue to be willing to be enchanted by and receptive to God's presence … thus, the word for the day!

The word for the day is RECEPTIVE.

It has been said of C. S. Lewis that his most significant defining characteristic was his willingness to be “enchanted” – a profound openness to delight joined with the sense that there is more to the world than meets the eye.  C. S. Lewis wrote, “We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade, the presence of God.  The world is crowded with Him.  He walks everywhere incognito.  And the incognito is not always hard to penetrate.”  Lewis continued by describing our task this way:  “The real labor is to remember to attend.  In fact, to come awake.  Still more, to remain awake.”

So, the word for the day is RECEPTIVE … we see that modeled in the life of C. S. Lewis and that is what I hope for us all (with a good dose of "enchantment' thrown in).

"Heart-shaped and Personalized"

Grandmommy Lazenby wore a charm bracelet.  It was very simple, probably no more than 10K gold, and only had a few charms dangling from it.  The names and birth dates of her two children (Mom and my Uncle Bob) and of her grandchildren (Eric, Anna, Steve, Sheryl, Sandy and Susan) were engraved on them ... one for each of us.  Although Mom didn't care for the jingle of her mother's bracelet, all of us grandchildren remember it with a bit of fondness. When we would worshiped with Grandmommy at “her” church, we listened for that jingle and could find her with ease among those in the pews. When she hugged someone, she would throw her arms wide and the charm bracelet would "sing" with a jingly sort of joy.  We heard that joy when she would hug each of us.

When visiting with Grandmommy Lazenby in her home, I loved to sit on the sofa next to her, cuddling up against her. At times, I would gently touch her charms … mine, especially.  There is a bit of wear on each one.  To this day, I like to imagine that the wear is because Grandmommy held each of our charms as she thought about us and prayed for us individually.  Although I never saw her fingering the charms in prayer, over the years this has turned into a personal certainty for me.  I so strongly desired those thoughts, prayers and unconditional love from my grandmother that surely it was true.  No one can convince me otherwise.  Recently, Mom gave me the charm with my name engraved on it.  What will I do with it?  Do I put it away or wear it as a pendant on a necklace? I'm not much for monograms or things bearing my name, you know.

Early this morning, I was reading the lectionary scriptures and found myself with this charm in my hand as I read.  The gospel lectionary scriptures for this Sunday are John 3:1-17.  Just when I thought that there was no other direction one can take with these oh-so-familiar words, no other ponderings, no other ways of saying the same thing, I opened my hand and saw the heart-shaped charm with “Anna” engraved on its face.  “For God so loves you, Anna.”   Yes, John 3:16 is heart-shaped and personalized just like the charm I held in my hand.

"Unbearable Beauty of an Ordinary Life"

I read these words today …

“unbearable beauty of an ordinary life”.

Tears, unbeckoned, flowed 

as the morning’s songbird came to mind,

with the plainness of her plumage

yet a great faithfulness
in her presence
and in her proclamation
 of her Creator's

approaching dawn.

Glorious is her song,

day after day.

Joyful is the newness

found in her singing

each morning.

Her feathers are not

red or blue or yellow 

so she is considered 

ordinary;

she is not migratory

so she is most common

in the neighborhood ...

common even
 in her great faithfulness

and beautiful birdsong.
Often, she is not heard
yet still, she sings

Such is the

unbearable beauty

of an ordinary life.

A MORNING'S PRAYER

Gracious and Loving God, thank you for the gift of this day. I know that each day is a gift from you, wrapped up with love, opportunities and new possibilities. Help me to live in gratitude.

For the beauty of creation, I give you thanks. Help me to notice the flowers along my way today … beautiful, colourful, resilient and strong even on those days when the forecast is of the rains. I pray that I might be the same in your world.

For the joy of loving and being loved, I give you thanks. Give me a heart that welcomes this joy. For the steadfastness of good friends, I give you thanks. Help me to polish and cherish friendships so that they might shine in new ways.

For meaningful work to do, for words to share, for supportive and encouraging people in my life, I give you thanks. I pray that I don’t overlook the importance of any of these.

When challenges and hardships overwhelm me, when darkness desires to delay the morning’s light, give me glimpses of your grace. Remind me that your grace surrounds me, is within me, is reflective of who I am and is to be noticed and seen if I would just remember to look for it. Yes, for the certainty of your grace, I give you thanks.

I now watch the sun rise and I think of you, Loving God. You are the one who stirs all awake to the newness of this day. The flowers raise their faces to you. The rains fall and offer me hope for a clean slate in my day. The birds wake with a new song and I find that my heart joins with them and sings new songs of love and gratitude to you, O God.

Thank you for another day.

Amen.